"No! I don't want to sing! I just want to listen!"
My 6 year old. We were singing a lot at that point, every evening a couple of songs. We weren’t practicing those songs to be able to sing them well; it's just for fun. And because at that point it was almost "Sinterklaas" (Saint Nicholas), a Dutch celebration for children, originally in honor of Saint Nicholas, patron saint of children.
We sang a couple of songs together every evening, as our children each put their shoe in front of the fireplace (with a carrot for Saint Nicholas' horse) in the hopes there would be a nice snack or present in there in the morning. And yes, they received a lot of "pepernoten" (small cookies), mandarins and dried apricots in those weeks!
It's fun to sing with my children! It’s only a couple of minutes each time, but it's such a cozy moment of coming together!
In our family – and beyond – I find it important that everyone can be themselves. So, no forcing to sing, no not-so-nice comments when they don't sing or sing off pitch. Who cares, honestly? It's about the fun and the being together, right?
Criticizing kids doesn't make them better singers or better people anyhow – more the opposite.
I love to witness my children in their authenticity, and it has been really interesting to witness the differences between them, just during those short daily singing moments!
Our oldest one likes to sing the songs with me, because she's happy she knows them and she likes the celebration and the excitement. Luckily, she doesn't care too much about what she sounds like exactly, even though she would like to learn and sing them well.
Our middle one doesn't want to sing at all, and he's very strict with that. He crawls on my lap and enjoys listening. It really frees him up that he's being let "off the hook". I think he's stressed about singing with us, as he wants to do things perfectly (in general). So I'm happy to let him be. Maybe he'll join us later, maybe not. For now he really enjoys the togetherness, and that he can be himself and do what he feels like most. (We of course try to help him get out of his comfort zone in life in general – but gently, as forcing or pressuring this kid will block everything, as we have noticed before.)
And our youngest one just loves singing and isn't shy at all; she sings all the songs, even when she has never even heard them before! Seriously, lol! She just sings away – and yes, she learns those songs very fast that way!
We are allowed to be different
So, everyone is different – already a 5 minute moment of singing songs together shows it so clearly. And we are allowed to be different! And what's even more: there's so much beauty in the fact that we are different, all unique!
Our boy is a thinker, who knows what he will come up with in his life! Does it matter that he doesn't want to sing? I prefer to not demand that fish can fly. If they were supposed to fly, they would have been born as a bird, wouldn't they?
Or if it's important for them – not for us as parents, teachers or society, but for them personally – they will invent a way to fly during their life, as they're way more capable than we think! Yes, we are way more capable than we think!
What is your singing personality?
What type of "singing personality" do you recognize yourself in? And can you rest in that?
Can you allow yourself to have that singing personality at this moment? Yes, "at this moment", because who knows where taking the pressure off can bring you still!
Wishing you an amazing day, without pressure to be anyhow different than you are!
I'd love to hear what this article brought up for you! What's your take-away? Let me know in the comments below!
